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“New Car / Volkswagen Beetle” – Gabriel Iglesias- (From Hot & Fluffy comedy special)

In Volkswagen Beetle 



Oh my God, yeah But I can handle it though, ya know? I can handle that people say Well you know, Gabriel you go up there And you make fun of yourself No I don’t… I come up here and I tell you the things that I heard people say There’s a difference you know? Sometimes I set myself up for jokes And I don’t realize it Three years ago… I bought a beetle…Not even thinking That’s not the joke, shut up See, I can’t even tell you guys a story… Already I wasn’t thinking I bought the car cause it was affordable, economical Brand new freaking beetle for like 17 grand I was like… First new car I go to show it off at my friend Martin’s house I thought it was nice I pull up, ya know… Martin!!!! He lives in the hood I don’t get out the car… Across the street there are these gang members The kind of gang members… They don’t really get into… ya know, like shooting people stuff like that They just hang out on the porch and talk a lot of smack So I’m there in a beetle and across the street I hear this right? I’m like, Martin!!!! Over here I hear…Orale… Hey, what’s up guys? How’s it going? How’d you get in there esse? Hurry up Martin! Two months later, I go back to pick him up… Now I’ve had some time to work on the car, right? I put some rims on it Some stickers… I put a chip in the motor so it goes faster I thought it was bad, right? I pull up… Martin!!!!!!! Orale… Nuh uh, I’m not turning around Aye! Aye! I don’t see you… Yoo hoo…. What?!?!?! Check it out aye? It’s the fat and the furious I didn’t even wait man Got rid of that car man… I traded it in And got myself a big ol SUV It was nice for a while This car freaking sucked on mileage though, man It got 11 miles to the gallon Oh you cannot be badass in a car that kills gas Like I kill tacos You can’t… You can’t be at the stoplight Trying to intimidate other cars, ya know? What? What what?! 20 bucks, right there Hell no man…But it was kind of cool It had a GPS navigational system in it And Onstar which was really cool, ya know? I’m driving and all of a sudden this girl’s talking to me Right turn, up ahead In three-quarter tenths of a mile… Left turn And I’m like, whatever you say baby… .

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